An hour and a half talk with our lecturer made me realize how much more work I have to put in :( The most depressing part is when he agrees that TP is much much harder than JC or other polytechnics. It saddens to hear that employers actually ask the school why the student's grades do not match the student's capacity when comparing to other polytechnics. It gets worse when they are actually trying to synchronize things in the years to come. YEARS TO COME. I feel so cheated.
Starting to worry quite a bit now. Worried for this semester, for the coming semester, for SIP, for grades, for combined grades, for well EVERYTHING. Trying to find time. Oh yes, TIME. Thinking about not working for a while until the holidays come. If my grades are starting to suck, well there must be a reason for it right? I need time to digest. I hate the fact that I tend to grasp things much slower than others. I hate the fact that I always have extreme exam anxiety since young and it affects my work sometimes. Sure, talking to myself and jumping around before the test does help but GAH, I never fail to panic in my heart. I need the motivation. The constant reminder to study and do better. I am worrying so much, I only have myself to blame for the outcomes. More than that, I am tired of having to be the not so smart one in my family. I need to fly away quick.