Sunday, July 17, 2011
My heart has never felt this heavy before. I can feel the weight, increasing and increasing a little bit more each day. I never really thought this would affect me so much. I always took it lightly, know or hoping things will get better over time. But it just got worse. It's like everything is slowly slipping away from my hands.
Where is the cheerful little girl I once knew? I once love, appreciated and was truly truly happy. All she is now, is silent, lost, confused, and filled with doubts. Doubts wondering have she really changed that much? To the extent, where everything and everyone has changed towards her as well. Or maybe it's just her imagination. Even so, what about the beautiful memories in the past? They all seemed to have dissolved away, and the present is no more.
I never have felt this mentally and physically drained, with all at lost. I need a change. I need something new. I need help. I need to turn back time. I hate who I am now, I hate how things are now, I hate all these insecurities.
You told me I would lose everything if I don't start knowing You more. But you also told me to be patient, that the time would come when everything will be well again. So what do you even mean? What do you want? I have been patient over and over again, with heartbreaks time and time again. You have answered my prayer and I finally believed in You, believe You are real and true. I am grateful for You sending someone down for me. But when is all this going to go away? The hurt, the loneliness. When is my time? When can I feel free.