Tuesday, July 13, 2010
I just feel so darn crapy right now.
I just dont know what to do.
Thought of trying to talk to You.
It's not i do not wish to.
But some things are just holding me back from doing so.
Maybe its because i dont know what to say.
Maybe its because i dont wanna talk about it.
Or maybe, just maybe, i know i will start crying all over again.
Maybe, maybe, i might do it tomorrow instead.
This has basically been all my life.
Friends who have been of great importance once upon a time
And the next thing you know, they are out of my life
All mt life, i am used to wandering
Neither here nor there,just jump around i guess
I guess it started of from kindergarten
My best friend got angry cause i went home to sleep
instead of staying and sleeping with her for a sleepover
I truly thought we would be friends, even after kindergarten
It worked for a year at least, never saw her ever again
I still wish everyday, that i could see her again.
I remember in primary school too
You were my best friend, the two of us
I told you everything, as i have listened to yours
Everywhere we went, it was just you and me
And after a stupid rumor, we broke off
I never really understood that day
How it all happened so fast
But 4 years of friendship, just went down the drain
We never spoke, called, saw each other from then on
I got blamed for something i never did
You believed them.
I have no clue how you did it
But school was hell for me after that
Maybe its because i kept holding on and couldn't let go
Even after 6plus years, i still think about it
Though i might have known almost every single girl
in the levels, they were just passing friends
I guess the wandering began from then eh?
No matter how many close friends i make,
eventually, they all seem to leave me
Secondary school was no laughing matter either.
Joining a school which is affiliated to a primary
is the worst thing my parents have ever thought of doing
When your a newbie in a school where everyone,
even the sec 1, knows everyone already,
it is the worst feeling in the world
I have never felt so lonely in my life
I remember going to the toilet to cry haha
cause i never liked being alone heh.
I guess being left on a corner and having to see everyone
laughing and smiling with each,
that feeling sucks the most
True, i could have just gone up and
made friends with some random people
But when all these people already
had 6years of friendship with each other,
it aint easy just butting your way in
I would say i was really thankful when 2 people came up to me
and invited me to join them
I met awesome cool shit people in the clique
and for once, i felt like i belonged somewhere
True, you guys corrupted me beyonds measures
But those 2 years were my best days of secondary school,
until we got streamed.
Being in the first class for sec 3 and 4,
trust me, it wasnt funny at all
It wasnt too bad, but for some reason,
i went back to my all quiet self
Back to square one!
It felt like the very first day of school in sec1 again
It was crapy.
Eventually, i found people to hang with
But being my quiet self with a crazy bunch of people
I was always forgotten.
SO maybe, just maybe,
i thought poly life could be different for once
New school, with entirely new people
I thought of starting things with everything new
I made a new best friend.
I made new friends.
I made new close friends.
It seemed perfect at that time.
For once, i thought maybe i could finally have friends
That could last for quite some time
That i didnt need to have to worry about problems
Or losing them, or just be hi-bye friends
Guess i was wrong eh?
I brought my hopes up high only to see them crashing down
Its moment like these, when i truly just give up
When i tend to naturally distant myself away from people.
When i am scared to be close with people again
cause in the end, i know i am gonna lose them eventually
i guess my flaw is that i hold on to things too tightly.
But you, you truly are the only exception.
Thank you, for always being by my side
For taking my randomness and annoyance.
For tolerating everything i do.
I never got why. Never understood how or why we are what we are.
But i thank God everyday, that though it feels like everyone is leaving me
I at least have you and Him.
I just need time to get that in my head. To believe.
But thank you. Cause you are the only reason why
i am able to look forward to tomorrow with a genuine smile on my face [: